Loneliness Pandemic

2020/10/04

After nine months passed, 2020 is indeed a hell of a year. With the pandemic still going wild, everyone is stuck at home in quarantine. Public places closed, group meetings reduced, school and work are all done from home. This rapid change has surely affected our lives. Physically, people are probably gaining some weight due to lack of movement and too much Netflix. Mentally, this virus is driving us crazy. Besides Covid-19, loneliness is also spreading from person to person, creating a new pandemic.

In this decade, communication has advanced significantly. I could be video calling my friends in other continents with just a few clicks. In fact, most schools moved the teaching process virtually during this pandemic. Students and teachers don’t have to meet in-person for school. On the other hand, classes are held in video conferences. This advance in technology has enabled us to become more connected than ever. However, we still feel lonely sometimes. In fact, we are feeling lonelier than ever during quarantine and it’s slowly killing us from inside.

To figure out the cause of loneliness, we must first understand what it means to be lonely. Being alone and lonely are two different things. In a room full of people (which is virtually impossible now), you could be still feel lonely. In a recent research, social skills are not correlated to our social connection. Everyone will feel lonely at a time in their life because loneliness is a result of evolution. It is written in our genes to feel lonely sometimes.

Long ago, our ancestors live in communities of 10 to 50 people. To be accepted by every member means a lot for them. Being part of a pact would lead a longer and happier life. On the other hand, being excluded from your group means isolation and imminent death. Therefore, our brains evolve forming a receptor for social needs. Humans become social beings that build relationships with other human beings. When we lack our social needs, the brain would then cause us to feel lonely.

The advancement of society has led us to live in cities where we interact with more people. Thus, our social needs grow exponentially following the increase of social interaction. There are more strangers to meet in the big city. Back during the stone age, having 5 hunter friends is sufficient to be accepted by the group. Nowadays, social status is measured by the number of followers and likes. Hence, humans’ receptor for social needs become more sensitive. There are more people to please. Social pain becomes equivalent to physical pain. For our brain, the feeling of exclusion from society is similar to the pain of stepping a Lego brick. So, it is no wonder life feels dreadful when we are lonely.

One particular steppingstone in the evolution of our social needs is the industrial revolution. People move to bigger cities in the hopes of a happier life. However, life after the industrial revolution is not that pleasant. We have less friends than our grandparents had. According to a research, an average human has an average of 5 close friends. On the other hand, on 2011, the number decreases to 2. This research considers a close friend as a friend that interacts in person daily. Social media reduces physical interaction between humans. We meet fewer people and less often, time is of the essence. In the advent of social media, we greet our friends by comments and reactions on Instagram stories.

This year, the pandemic exacerbates the lack of social interaction. In this new normal era, people have to stay at home to prevent the spread of this novel virus. School, work, and personal life are all mixed up and served in one plate, quarantine. Since public places are closed, movie dates and dinner hangouts are things of the past in the new normal. People are stripped off their ability to meet and interact with their peers. Hence, we are now stuck in a loneliness bubble waiting to pop.

I believe that in this pandemic, loneliness spreads as fast as the virus. People are feeling stressed out at home. Personal boundaries vanish into thin air. However, despite all this painful grudge, you are not alone. There are many more people feeling this way, even I do feel lonely. One thing I have learned over this pandemic, in these desperate times, sometimes it is okay to not be okay. On a different note, we must not let this loneliness creep into our bones like the virus does. We must be able to accept our feelings but not let it manifest into ourselves. I will be sharing some antidotes to loneliness on my next post. I hope that it may be of a benefit. Stay strong and stay sane!